The strongest ones are those that hurt the worst

So yesterday Ra Ra and I got in a fight.  Well, more or less I told him to wait to give his State of the Association address and he flipped out in 2.5 seconds going from 0 to 60 and screaming at me so loud that even though his office door was closed, people could hear him both a few rooms down and across the building.  Needless to say, it was not a good day for us.  After he yelled, both our Treasurer and our Business Manager went in to talk to him and tell him how wrong he was.  I was upset, in tears and today we didn’t talk to each other.  The only communication we had was a text I sent him telling him we need to talk eventually and him flat-out refusing.

Now, I was pissed as hell and quite frankly this isn’t the first time he’s yelled at me and I’ve never enjoyed it, in fact I’ve cried after every time he’s done it because well I don’t like being yelled at and I like being yelled at  by him even less.
Today, I was complaining and angry and talking to someone who knows both of us and quite well.  And she gave me a bit of insight into the mind of Ry.

She told me that the reason that he yelled was because I hurt his feelings. Plain and simple.  That, by telling him when he could give his speech, regardless of my intention, I was belittling something that he had worked hard on, something that was in essence his final goodbye to the Association that he’s been a part of for 5 years. For 5 years, he’s been committed to the Student Government Association, has been passionate about it and will soon be graduating and leaving it.  Not only leaving the Association, but the school he’s been a part of to move on and go to law school.  That’s a scary thing.  And by telling him no and then being confronted by other members of our office immediately after to tell him he was wrong, didn’t help.
The thing about Ry is, he’s a very strong person whom I respect and look to more often than not for advice. He’s been a good friend of mine and we used to be able to talk. Without realizing it, I’ve been pushing him out the door, not realizing that I’ve hurt him, him being as strong as he is I sometimes forget that he can be hurt. So this insight was a serious wake up call to me.
It made me sad that I hurt him, but at the same time I’m upset that he thinks the only way he can talk to me anymore is by yelling.  We have two weeks left in office together and I’d personally like to end on a good note, even actually hang out once it’s all said and done.
Now, I don’t know if what our friend told me is what he was really thinking or feeling, but if it was all I can think of to say to him is I’m sorry. Now, I know I’ve told him that I don’t have a tumbler, a twitter, a MySpace, etc.. but he’s never asked about a blog (omission of the truth!) and so even though I know the chances of him actually ever seeing my apology is slim to none I still hope that he will eventually know how sorry I am for hurting him and understanding that yelling and just cutting me out is hurting me just as much as I hurt him.

So until later, TTFN. 


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